I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately. Reflecting on my past, reflecting on my current life and questioning what the future might hold for me. For the past four summers I kept saying this is my last summer before I have to be a real adult. Each summer throughout college I said that exact phrase to my parents wanting me to get a job or buckle down on school work. So, today I took about a half hour on what may be one of the last nice nights of the summer of 2013 to drive around my town and see my past. From the beach to the high school to my junior high and childhood playgrounds I just drove by and thought if the memories. I truly am a real adult now and I have to think back on the things I did and how I would have done them differently and how I could have changed things. Nonetheless the past is in the past and there is no way to change the way things were.
To say I am feeling nostalgic tonight is an understatement. The simplicity of life that we all take for granted as young kids and teens is something I wish I knew. There are still things I wish I could take back and those things will continue to happen, but I wish I knew how little of an impact that would make on most peoples lives. I will still have regrets, as will everyone, and those who don’t have not lived. We all make mistakes and those people who can be around you through your mistakes and the small or sometimes large blunders are your true friends. I wonder about the friends that I’ve made to know if they are the true friends. I can say with out a doubt I have at least one, but are all the others true friends or just acquaints? One of the many questions I asked myself tonight.
Not only was I reminiscing, but I was thinking on the future as well. I know that as far as most post college grads are concerned I’m pretty successful. I have a job in my field that I love, I don’t have very much debt, I’m about to purchase my second car, and I have a good amount of money saved up. But, I don’t feel like this is the next chapter for me. I can’t help, but feel like this is maybe still the same chapter. I just need to find out what it is that’s going to be written in my next chapter. What is the next thing in my life that will be new and exciting that makes my life unique and worth living to the fullest. Half of me says I need to start looking out of state and the other half couldn’t imagine leaving my family. I just need to learn to be happy again and it’s finding that place again. My bridge from the pure ecstasy of college to the boring mundane life back in the suburbs with my parents is a hard one to cross when I just want to go running back to the other side. One leg at a time I need to learn to stand on the other side. Not necessarily in the suburbs with my parents because it’s not who I am, but as an adult who is successful and able to be independent and proud of what I’ve accomplished and who I am.
So as I watched the sun sink down on my suburban beach town, I said goodbye to my childhood and hello to a life of adulthood and all the burdens and joys it may bring.