Tag Archives: dating

I think I need to Stop Dating for Awhile

In high school, I was very anti-dating. I didn’t really want anything to do with boys, they caused drama and changed my friends when they entered relationships with them. Sure I flirted as much as the next 17 year old girl, but they just weren’t for me. I kinda did whatever I pleased for my entire freshman year of college with boys I like here and there, but nothing ever serious.

By the summer after Freshman year, I had my first boyfriend who was kind and sweet and everything I thought I wanted. 7 months later I found myself trying to figure out ways to get out of the relationship because I just wanted to be single. I didn’t like having to answer to someone or check-in with someone or having that person get jealous when I hung out with my guy friends. So again by the end of my sophomore year, I was just doing what I pleased. I dated a guy who ultimately ended up cheating on me, which hurt more than the actual relationship ending. I had lots of other guys that I was “seeing” throughout college, but nothing ever serious. My ex and I gave it another go my senior year, with it ending just 3 short months later. Even after him telling me he “just wasn’t in love with me anymore” I had a second of hurt and then returned to being single and just doing what I wanted. After senior year, I dated another guy which ended brutally because he was friends with my ex. Another boyfriend here and there and “talking” to some guy a state away for 3 months, I’ve found myself in yet a relationship type of situation. I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month, after my 3 month conversation with my dream man ended.

I’ve never been the relationship type, but this guy I am seeing is. He has had three serious girlfriends all lasting over two years. Bottomline, that scares the hell out of me. I’m super happy when I’m with him and we have a lot of fun, but when we’re not I don’t really want to talk to him every second of the day or even find it annoying when he texts me again after getting no response from me. So, five weeks in I’m already second guessing myself. Is this what I want? Am I settling? Am I too far into whatever this is to back away now?

Yesterday’s brunch with two of my Cleveland transplant friends really has me thinking even more than before. I trust these girls with all my problems and concerns even though I’ve only known them a short while. Both similar to me in relationships, the willingness to be independent, ambitious in their careers and overall personalities. Both of them had me thinking that this is not the time for me to be in a relationship of any sort. One of them even said, “Maybe it’s time to stay away from boys for a little.”

I am ok with being alone, but I have never not been connected to someone. Always having someone to text, someone who will always want to answer my calls, someone who is awaiting my texts or calls. Essentially, I need to disconnect myself from the dating world and be by myself. I need to be my 17 year old self with a text message limit and the strong desire to be independent.

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It’s OK to be single and 23

The other day I had a conversation with one of my college friends about being single. Her and I had both recently ended our “summer flings” with guys we knew from the beginning wouldn’t work out. Hers was an undergrad med student and mine an engineer I met briefly who lived 5 hours away and we managed to keep up whatever we had for nearly 4 months. Lots of our friends are in relationships, some long term some not so long term, but we both agreed that there is this stigma in today’s society that maybe girls put on themselves that we aren’t supposed to be single. As 23 year olds we should be seeking out possible suitors or in long term relationships. What happened to being young, single and just plain ok with it?

Guys our age have this bachelor attitude towards life that makes them not want to settle down and “play the field”, but why can’t 20-something women do the same thing? There is something (which I have yet to figure out) about society that makes us have this old maid complex towards single women. We all think our biological clock is ticking and we better settle down now because we’re getting “old”. The thing is we’re not and the girls who think that are rushing into relationships solely for the reason of being in a relationship. Women can be just as career driven as men, want just as much freedom as men, and do whatever we damn well please. The problem is, most women my age don’t think that way. Even if they’re not ready for a relationship they are more than eager to jump into one for the sake of being able to say at the next family function they’re dating someone.

The point on this topic is to make 20 something women see that it is ok to be single and there is nothing wrong with it. Some people may find it when they’re young and it may last them a lifetime, but it’s just not for everyone. Find who you are before you’re on the hunt for someone else. It really isn’t a race and there is no prize for the first to cross the finish line. Live your life, don’t worry about when you’ll get married, you shouldn’t be concerned about your biological clock because when something is supposed to happen it will. Forcing things is only asking for a failure and I’ve seen too many friends make that mistake by trying to force things with the wrong people.

Be single, be free, and be just plain ok with it.